


Unworthy

by apiratemyhearties



Series: Captain Hook Short Stories [2]
Category: Peter Pan & Related Fandoms, Peter Pan (2003), Peter Pan - J. M. Barrie
Genre: Depression, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lover's Quarrel, Nightmares, PTSD, Romance, Unconditional Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29494644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apiratemyhearties/pseuds/apiratemyhearties
Summary: A short story, written around a drabble prompt "You deserve better than me" for Captain Hook and female reader, originally requested on Tumblr.James Hook finds himself reliving his worst nightmares again. He has a person who wants to help with all her might by his side. But he doesn't feel like he deserves her.
Relationships: Captain James Hook/Female Reader
Series: Captain Hook Short Stories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166408
Kudos: 11





	Unworthy

Hook was lost in the darkness. It was the thick, inky kind that leaves nothing for one’s sight to make out of in it – no colours, no shapes, no lights in the distance. He stood where he was for a moment, trying to think about what he should do. He tried to prick up his ears for any potential sounds, but the silence around him was palpable and almost deafening.

The only thing Hook could hear was the rythmical, loud beating of his own heart.

After what felt like ages he decided to move. He outstretched his left arm to feel around for the eventual obstacles and his hook in case he needed to defend himself. He only managed to take a few carefully meassured steps ahead, when he was blinded by the light of dozens of torches lighting up one after another. When his sight has finally accommodated to the light, he realized he is in the middle of a rocky maze – miles of high, grey walls turning left, right and straight ahead. Hook cursed under his nose, but got to work. This little riddle wasn’t going to stop him.

He took the turn to his left that after a mile of walking appeared to be a dead end, so he was forced to go back and try the right one. He reached another dead end even sooner than the previous time. Muttering curses under his breath, he came back to his starting point and went straight ahead. This path had no turns whatsoever for quite a while and Hook was sure it was the right way. But somehow – and how was that possible, anyway?! – he soon met another dead end.

Hook gasped as he looked at the wall in front of him, the light from the torch illuminating the red, glistening substance, forming the inscription on the bricks.

_Old, alone, done for!_

And that was the first time he heard any sound in that wretched place.

The ticking of a clock.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, the methodical, rythmical sound of a seemingly innocent time meassuring device. The sound that has been tornmenting him for years.

Hook squeezed his eyes shut and sighed deeply. "Oh no.”

A few moments later he heard the distinct, heavy taps of the crocodile’s paws. He turned around abruptly, his hook level with his head, eyes wide in panic, heart beating frantically in his chest. But he couldn’t allow himself to be consumed by fear, not this time.

But before he could do anything, the beast spoke in a mocking, boyish voice.

"You’re time is up, Hook!”, the crocodile said, and Hook’s blood boiled with hatred and anger.

"Blast you, Pan! I will gut you like a smelly fish! You and that hideous reptile both!”, he screamed, furious, ready to charge at the enormous beast in front of him.

A roaring, deafening laughter of the crocodile-boy hybrid forced Hook to cover his ears. "You are old! Alone! And done for!”, the hybrid screamed before doubling in size in front of Hook’s terrified eyes.

He felt himself shrink when he saw the gigantic jaws open. They snapped shut around him. Then everything went black.

*~*~*~*~*

Hook felt like he was floating. Muffled sounds were reaching his ears, but he couldn’t identify them for what they could possibly be. It was as if his ears were filled with water.

Then his sense of hearing started to come back. Those sounds were someone speaking to him. A female voice.

A familiar one.

"James?”

It was a soft, comforting sound, echoing all around him.

"James? James, wake up!”, the voice became more urgent, worried, and clearer now that a moment before.

He was still floating.

"James please, wake up! You’re hurting me!”, there was slight panic in the woman’s voice now and finally, with a loud gasp and his eyes snapping open, Hook woke up. His breathing was heavy and his forehead damp with sweat. It took him a moment to recognize the surroundings of his own cabin and that he was holding Y/n’s wrist in an iron grip. He let go of her hand instantly, shame and pain creeping upon him instantly.

He sat up on the bed, rubbing one of his temples.

His head was pounding.

Y/n looked at Hook, understanding and empathy in her eyes. "You had nightmares again. I couldn’t wake you up.”

Hook opened his eyes and looked at her, then at her wrist, visible red marks indicating the forming of a bruise. "I hurt you.”

She gave him a nervous smile and squeezed his hand in an understanding gesture, but looked away for a moment. He noticed. "I know you didn’t mean it.”

Hook’s eyebrows knitted together as he sat on the bed, contemplating her words. "That much is true. But how long until it happens again and I”, he swallowed thickly, "I hurt you worse? It’s not like I can control it.”, he sat on the edge of the bed, his back to her, trying to pull himself together, but it was as if he was already far too gone.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He flinched, as usually in the moments of agitation or anger, but didn’t move away.

"I’m not afraid of you, James”, Y/n whispered into his ear before planting a soft kiss on his shoulder blade. He squeezed his eyes shut and exhaled sharply before standing up suddenly.

"Well, maybe you should.”, he hissed. "Maybe you should finally see me for the repulsive old fool that I am. A shadow of myself, a shadow of a human… a monster. Maybe that blasted hell of a nightmare would be easier… if you let me go.”

Y/n stood up, visibly hurt, angered and offended.

"Then maybe I should! I know you well enough to recognize this is your self-loathing speaking through you. I know it must be terrifying and exhausting what you’ve been going through. Do you think I have it easy?! It’s been the same for me. But I love you. I love you! I’m with you because I love you and we can go through this better together. But if you want me to leave… then fine, I can go! Is that what you want, James? Is that what you want?!”, she screamed, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, palms curled up into fists, eyes glaring daggers at him.

Hook visibly paled.

"No. No, no, no. Y/n.”, he took a few hesitant steps in her direction, reaching out a hand to her. "What I meant to say is… **you deserve better than me**. You deserve more than a brig cramped with petty criminals as a home.”

Y/n shrugged at him and sighed heavily, but took his hand.

"James. This is my choice. My life. And I chose you and this brig as my home. I love it all as it is. Not free of struggle, but ours and real.”, she kissed his cheek softly, then took his mutilated right arm in both her hands.

"You are not repulsive”, she whispered and kissed his stump softly. Hook felt a lump in his throat and wondered if he was going to cry, because he has never felt this loved in his life before. Warmth spread through his chest as he looked at Y/n.

"You are certainly not old”, she cocked an eyebrow at him, jokingly looking him up and down. Then her features softened as she said "and no longer alone. We’re in this together, my darling”, before she kissed his lips tenderly and Hook forgot the world beside them two existed.


End file.
